


The Most Impatient Patient

by lamecaptain



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blowjobs, Dildos, Doctor Kink, Doctor/Patient, Levi going like 3 hours with a raging boner, M/M, Sex Sent Me to the ER AU, Stupid old men, doctor erwin, eventual established relationship, patient levi, stuck dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 03:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2836157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamecaptain/pseuds/lamecaptain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I was taking a shower and I slipped and fell out of the shower, down the hallway and into the bedroom. When I finally fell, I landed on it.” </p><p>EruRi. Levi goes to his local ER with a dildo stuck in his ass. Erwin happens to be the on duty doctor. Erwin's bedside manner is a little too good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Impatient Patient

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for supporting me and Merry Christmas!

Erwin Smith was a doctor. He was a tired, coffee-loaded, underpaid doctor who was reaching the 13th hour of what was supposed to be a 10 hour shift. “—Can you explain to me again how it happened?” He asked, rather absentmindedly as he removed the thermometer from his patient’s ear, jotting down in the manila covered file that there was no fever present. “I was taking a shower and I slipped and fell out of the shower, down the hallway and into the bedroom. When I finally fell, I landed on **_it_**.”

“It?” Erwin asked, an eyebrow raised. He knew what was coming, he braced himself, here it comes…

“A dildo,” _and fell on the sex toy._ Erwin scribbled in the notes, an eyebrow slightly arched.

“And you’re quite sure that’s how it happened? It’s probable that you’re in shock and—,” Erwin spoke softly, his professional manner overtaking on auto-pilot. It was just another day at work and he was very tired. There wasn’t a doubt that this patient was lying to him, patients lied to him all of the time.

“Listen, Doctor Jones,”

“Smith…” Erwin corrected, taking his name badge in between his thumb and forefinger. “Erwin Smith,”

“Whatever,” the patient replied, clearly not interested, “how long’s this going to take?” Erwin sighed, bracing himself for the oncoming battle he was about to face, he scribbled a few more notes, before closing the folder and clipping the pen engraved with his name to the pocket of his lab coat. He adjusted his stethoscope, then his tie, then his tie clip. He was just buying time now, trying to put off the inevitable.

“On a scale of one-to-ten, how would you rate the pain?”

“I’ll punch you in the balls and you can tell me.” Erwin jotted in the notes again.

“I have to carry out a few more tests,” he explained calmly, placing the file on his desk and sitting in the office chair. Turning the chair so that it faced the computer, he began to type. “You already stuck that thing in my ear,”

“ _That thing_ was a thermometer, I was taking your temperature.”

“You’re a real pain in the ass, Doctor Smith.”

“Are you sure I’m the cause of the pain?” Erwin snickered lightly to himself, the patient glared. He cleared his throat, “I’m going to book you in for an X-ray so we can see where the—,” he paused,

“Dildo,” the patient replied, unfazed.

“—The object is lodged in your rectum,”

“Ass.”

Erwin took a deep breath, clicking on a few more tick-boxes on the electronic form to book in an X-ray for the gentleman, “can you confirm your name and date of birth please?”

“Levi Ackerman, twenty fifth of December, nineteen seventy eight.” Erwin raised his eyebrows incredulously, that would make the man 36. He certainly didn’t look 36. Closer to 23, 27 at a push.

He took a yellow form from the bracket on the wall, littered with various forms to book a wide variety of tests and other examinations, collecting the pen that he had earlier pocketed again, he placed it against the paper, scrawling the patient’s name, age and the test required. Signing his name at the bottom, he handed the piece of paper to the man who had yet to sit still since he had arrived in Erwin’s office in the ER. “Take this to the radiography department, go down the corridor, turn left, forwards a few steps and then the right, the door says—,”

“Let me guess,” he interrupted, “X-ray department.” Levi rolled his eyes, Erwin sighed rolling his eyes softly.

“What a bright young man you are.” Levi almost snatched the paper with a glare. Erwin closed the program on the computer, taking the folder under his arm as he stood up to open the door, Levi closely on his tail. “Just off the record, how did it happen?”

Levi turned to Erwin, barely missing a beat. “I shoved a dildo up my ass and it got stuck, a doctor like you, I’d expect you to be bright enough to guess.” Erwin nodded his head with a faint smile,

“I’ll see you when the tests come through, the queue shouldn’t be too long, possibly 30 minutes.”

“Is that a date?” Levi smirked,  
“I’ll bring the coffee,”

“Tea.”

“You’ll need coffee for what’s coming,”  
“Fine,"

* * *

 

30 minutes later as promised, Levi Ackerman was uncomfortably shifting in the seat across from Doctor Smith’s desk. Erwin on the other hand sat in his own seat, a vision of exhausted serenity. He extended his arm, taking the polystyrene cup from its paper holder and passing it to Levi, “as promised.”

“Is this a date? You’re a bit old for me.” Levi sneered, the effort of sneering caused him to shift once again as pain jolted up his spine at the sensation of the trapped silicone. “So what’s the verdict Smith?” He asked, finally resorting to standing up rather than sitting, there was a slight sweat forming at his brow. He was very tired and very uncomfortable. He removed the lid of the coffee, allowing the steam to tickle against his palm as he drank a long sip.

“Well,” he held the black film up to the window so that the content of the image could be clearly seen, he took the pen from his pocket yet again, preparing to demonstrate his medical knowledge with regards to Levi’s predicament.

“Put the fucking pen down and tell me what you’re going to do,” Erwin’s eyes widened for a moment, before obliging and placing the pen down on the chipped, low quality desk. Likely some crap from Ikea, Levi mused, trying to take his mind away from the situation with snarky comments.

“There doesn’t appear to be any perforation, however it is causing a blockage to the bowel, so I will have to remove it--,”

“Oh good, I thought you were just going to leave me to shit it out.”

“Would you prefer that?” Erwin added, sarcastically.

“Hurry up.”

“I’ll page an anaesthesiologist, we’ll do you a spinal and get it taken out.” Erwin spun on his chair, facing the computer and taking the phone from its receiver, moving to dial the number for his colleague, friend and anaesthesiologist, Nile Dawk.

“I’m a big boy, just get it out. I really need to shit.” Levi complained loudly enough,

“It’ll hurt…”

“Use some lube, I’ve got a massive bottle in my car.” Erwin’s stare conveyed how dumbfounded he was, certainly not for the first time today. “I was joking,” Levi explained, Erwin’s jaw closed.

“Of course,”

“It’s only a little bottle.”

“Right.”

* * *

 

The room was surprisingly calming, the overwhelming stench of cleanliness was by far the most tolerable scent in Levi’s mind, it almost pleased him. He’d have to ask the cleaning staff what brand they used to disinfect the room, or maybe get this Smith to swipe him one.

Levi was down in the infamous gown of indignity, a dainty bow tied at the nape of his neck, wrapping around him and concealing the front of his body, while the back exposed a great deal of flesh, leaving little to be imagined. Erwin trailed his hand down Levi’s back as he moved to tie the second knot, sending a shiver down his spine. “Would you like me to stop?”

“No, it’s just fucking cold,” Levi complained.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I’ve seen it all before.”

“If there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, you go balls naked.”

“Would that make you more comfortable?” Erwin laughed. Levi turned his head over his shoulder to glare at Erwin again. With the final knot tied, Levi was free to turn. He picked up the polystyrene coffee cup that was now near enough stone cold, taking yet another long slurp to steady his nerves.

“It shouldn’t take too long,” Erwin reassured him,

“Whatever, just hurry up.”

“Alright, would you kneel on the trolley please, you can either rest your hands against the pillow or lay face downwards, I just need to you keep your hips up and your legs apart,”

“Aren’t you the charmer?”

Erwin responded with the snapping of latex gloves over his wrist. Levi knelt against the blue paper towel that shrouded the bed for the sake of cleanliness, when Erwin had washed his hands to prepare for the procedure, Levi had watched over him like a hawk, mentoring the doctor in the proper way to wash your hands and admiring the clean and well-manicured nails of the doctor. For what it was worth, Levi had to admit that despite being a dumb, blond doctor, Erwin was rather attractive.

“Sure you don’t want some gas and air?”

“I want this thing out of my ass.”

Levi braced himself, having opted for the position of kneeling on all fours, with his head tucked between his forearms. His eyes were scrunched closed, as he heard the squelch of lubricant being emptied form the bottle and on to Erwin’s palm… By the apparent sound, Erwin was pouring quite the volume of lubricant onto his hand.

Well at least he knows how to prep a guy right. Levi joked to himself, his facetious attitude kicking in, trying to make light of what could only be easily described by Levi as fucking awful. By this point however, there was no hiding the obvious erection that Levi had garnered. Humiliating didn’t come close enough. A blush passed his cheeks, “it’s a natural reaction, don’t worry.” Erwin attempted to soothe.

“I kinda noticed that when I started shoving it in and out.” Levi countered, another facetious attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Warm your hands up, this is bad enough without the icy touch of death being shoved up my ass.” The doctor nodded again, rubbing his hands together for a moment to warm them. Erwin’s tie was tucked into the pale blue shirt, his lab coat had been discarded and the fabric of his sleeves was rolled up to expose his muscular forearms.

Finally the moment they had all been waiting for had arrived, there was no going back on it and Levi was more than ready to get the damn thing out. “You can tell me to stop if it gets too painful,”

Erwin inserted the first finger, slowly opening the area, when loose enough, he inserted another finger to ease the ring of muscles, in an attempt to coax the silicone intruder out. “You’re going to have to relax,”

“You try relaxing with those massive fingers in your ass, if that’s how big your fingers are I bet you’ve killed a woman with your dick.”

“Actually,” Erwin went to correct, before quickly changing his mind. Divulging his personal information would be a complete breach of professionalism and he didn’t really feel like the long critique that would be oncoming if he were to explain that he was otherwise inclined.

“I knew you were gay, only gays where pale blue shirts.”

“That hospital gown is light blue,” Erwin pointed out, Levi’s head lifting and spine arching to turn to look at the doctor over his shoulder. “What can I say, you’ve got me.”

Erwin moved his fingers a little further up the passage once it was stretched enough to allow it, with his fingers pressed against the base of the dildo, stretching his fingers he pushed it into a reachable position, Levi hissing as it just so happened that the position nudged the dildo against his prostate. He withdrew his fingers, leaving a slight trail of lubricant. He applied another portion of lubricant to Levi’s ass, “do you have someone to take you home?” He asked, picking up the forceps to finish the job at hand.

“Would I be fucking myself with a dildo if I did?” With Levi’s final sneer, the forceps widened, a hiss escaping his gritted teeth, fingernails digging into the paper towel, pushing his head into the pillow. Just as Levi recoiled to wipe the sweat from his brow, Erwin appeared to his side. In his gloved hand he presented the dildo, pale blue and 9 inches long. “I told you, gays and pale blue,” Levi looked up, expression both strained and relieved. “Are you going to fuck me or not?” Levi finally asked, motioning a hand to his bulging erection as he rolled onto his side.

“With this or my mouth?” Erwin asked with a smirk, holding up the forsaken dildo.

“Mouth.” Levi replied, almost instantly.

* * *

 

Discarding the dildo on the metal tray at the side of the trolley, Erwin moved to lock the door and close the blinds.

“You really offer the full service.”

“Gays and pale blue,” he shrugged.

Levi repositioned himself, sitting up with his back leaning against the wall and his legs dangling from the trolley, his hands fumbled behind his neck to pull at the ties on the gown, removing it as quickly as he could. It’d been too damn long without any relief and he was more than ready by now. He’d been ready 3 hours ago when he’d decided to fuck himself with the dildo.

First Erwin removed the rubber gloves, throwing them over the discarded dildo. Next he removed his tie clip, then his tie, throwing them down on the floor. Undoing the top button of his collar, then popping open the next few buttons. Levi seemed to be caught in a state of awe as he watched the fabric gently open, allowing a view of the hidden muscles. Of course the strength of his arms had been a giveaway that the shirt was hiding something, but the reality of seeing the flesh stretched over toned muscles.

Levi stood, stretching out the kinks in his spine, enjoying the freedom and ability to move that he now felt. “You need to rest, lay on the bed.” Erwin all but commanded.

“Wait,” Levi raised his arms to Erwin’s shoulders, feeling the muscular structure as he slid the shirt away, dropping into the floor in a heap. Erwin scooped him up into his arms, laying him on the bed, with his head rested against the pillow.

He began by peppering tiny kissing and bites across Levi’s neck and collarbone, his hands wrapped around Erwin’s back, gripping on to the skin for dear life, arching his back into the soft touch. Erwin was gentle, not Levi’s usual preference, but his body ached in places that he didn’t know existed, he was grateful for the careful and cautious embrace, with him paying attention to his needs, all but worshipping his body.

Erwin’s kisses made their way down to his check, tiny kisses being pressed against the ribcage, then the sternum as he moved towards Levi’s navel. Levi’s nails were digging into Erwin’s back, frustrated. Erwin’s ministrations were too much for a man who had spent so long aroused. “It won’t take me long,” Levi whined.

“I know. After this, I’ll take you home.”

“A real gentleman,” Levi moaned, Erwin placing a hand over his mouth to quickly silence him, it would be beyond unprofessional to be caught in this position, with none other than a patient. Erwin took Levi’s length in his mouth gently, licking at the tip, swirling his tongue around in circles, his free hand taking the base and rubbing it slowly.

“Erwin…” A strangled moan came from Levi’s lips, hidden behind the hand.

“I know, it’s alright.” The doctor coaxed, whispering the words against Levi’s member. The sensation causing him to arch his back further. Erwin’s lips surrounded his cock, moving up and down, tongue swirling as his lips tugged at the skin, eventually picking up to speed. Levi’s hand tangled in Erwin’s blond locks, grasping to the hair for dear life.

“Erwin… I’m…” He whined again, his manliness fading, he’d barely lasted a few minutes. He’d had enough he just wanted his damn orgasm and to go to bed.

One hand scrunched in Erwin’s hair, the other hand gripping the bed, knuckles almost white. He bit his lip as his stomach began to curl and twist, his toes curling inwards and the muscles in his abdomen tightening. His teeth sunk into his lip, trying so very hard to be silent.

Levi’s eyes closed firmly, tossing his head back as he finally released his long awaited load into the mouth of the doctor. The orgasm seemed to last an eternity, talk about denial. His muscles were contracting relentlessly. Erwin moved away, licking the remaining cum from his member to clean him, having swallowed his load. “Gays and blue.” He chimed, moving up Levi’s exhausted body to kiss him.

Levi could taste the bitter saltiness of his own seed, but his lips wrapped around Erwin’s own, biting and nibbling into the kiss, as Erwin’s hand wiped at Levi’s brow, clearing the hair out of the way.

“Let me take you home. Get dressed, I’m going to clock out.”

Erwin moved off of the bed, walking towards the door again, twisting the lock and hearing the gentle click. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Levi asked, Erwin realising that his shirt and tie were stilling resting on the floor.

* * *

 

Erwin pulled up to the demure paved driveway of Levi’s small townhouse. “This is the place,” he unfastened the seatbelt, wrapping his fingers around the handle and opening the door.

“ _I owe you a coffee_.”


End file.
